Really, It's for Your Own Good

Imagine a film based on the worst memories of restaurant servers. Or one where a guy gives birth to a slimy creature after sex with his computer. Or one called The Falling Offness of the Head Part. Imagine all of these and more and you'd have tonight's James River Filmmakers Forum at Balliceaux, the perfect way to spend a Sunday evening.

Since it was dinnertime, I ordered the smoked bluefish over field greens with grilled peach, sunflower seeds and peach cider vinaigrette; I also got a side of chickpea salad because I'd been wanting to try it (it was very well done). The only problem was that the back bar was closed and the event was being held in the back room. The front bar servers ran themselves ragged trying to service the front and back of the restaurant. I felt bad for them.

Six local films were being shown. I saw four friends acting in three different films. I had previously seen three of the films at Project Resolution. Two of the films were experimental in nature. One film was introduced by the director with, "There might be a part at the beginning where you think there's a plot. But don't get your hopes up; there's not."

The way the forum works is that the six short (10-20 minutes) films are shown, followed by a panel discussion with the six directors. The moderator and the audience ask questions of the filmmakers. It's a terrific way to see what's being made locally and ask all kinds of questions afterwards. Questions ranged from the how did you type to the what were you thinking type. It's very casual and a lot of people are there to glean information.

The last film had a scene shot at Ipanema, so that seemed the logical place to go after the three-hour event ended. It was practically dead when I arrived, much to the consternation of the staff who were a bit bored. When I asked, I was told that the music was the "early dinner mix" which I soon surmised meant that all the songs had to be at least 40 years old; I couldn't resist making a comment to that effect (Herman's Hermits? Really?).

Fortunately, not long after that it began to pick up and we were elevated to the "later dinner mix" which included music from this century. Before long I found myself with plenty of people to talk to: various server friends from other restaurants now closed, a new neighbor, and a solo music lover who had compatible enough taste to make for a hugely satisfying talk that spanned the rest of the night.

Our conversation had begun because he'd spent the first twenty minutes at the bar aimlessly playing around on his device (phone, PDA, what do I know?). When I called him on it (because I couldn't resist...and I have a lot of nerve), he admitted that it was nothing but boredom and a reliance upon the thing to entertain him at such moments. He happily set it aside for a stranger.

Then I realized the parallels to one of the films I'd just seen. In it, a guy had used his computer so much that eventually the computer decided to use him. That's how the whole computer impregnation business began in the first place. I felt it best to warn this guy about the precedent before he ended up delivering a PDA.

Why, I was practically performing a public service. The fact that it just happened to deliver me his rapt attention to talk bands, shows and the American way for a few hours was pure gravy.

I only did it to save him from himself.