Clearly my planets are out of alignment because it has been one seismic life event after another since mid-December.
No doubt, these things cause major stress, but I am doing my best to accept and move forward as best I can.
I've been jobless for two months, but, given the economy, that's not a very long time.
When I was laid off in 2004, the economy was much stronger and it still took me 4 1/2 months to find a job and not even one that I wanted, but one that paid the bills for 2 1/2 months until I found the job I did want.
So, no reason to be discouraged about my job state yet. I continue to send out resumes and hope for the best.
Okay, pneumonia for a month was completely out of the blue.
I almost never get sick, so being incapacitated for so long, including five days in Intensive Care, was daunting.
But, I am probably 97% recovered now so that's behind me.
I've paid my pneumonia dues, so to speak.
When a long time relationship ends unexpectedly, there's not a lot to do about it other than accept and grieve.
That simple statement belies just how devastated I was at being dumped by the person I thought was the love of my life after six years.
I had honestly thought we would grow old together; I loved him that much and thought we had committed to that.
But since you can't make someone love you, I have no choice in this awful situation.
That's where I am right now.
Will I feel differently about it in 6 months or a year or two?
I don't know, but going forward I have to hope that I won't be this sad forever.
Or maybe I will.
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If he was the love of your life, you're gonna be sad forever. Sorry to be a bummer, but I know.
ReplyDelete...let's backtrack a bit...get down to the roots, check the foundation..muck around...maybe not "Ancient History, another time stuff" but grab the vine & swing the other way...never know what you'll find. ... ..love of your life stuff huh?..that's a great feeling... for the indivduals involved words are inadequate..was there once...took several years to move on..never to be duplicated, replicated, etc. yet if you live long enough..it'll be ok...i did, others do, you will. But it'll probably be different, 'cause you'll be different..you probably all ready are..and don't know it. ..suspect from your writings that to many men..[strictly my uneducated observations]...you're a handful. That's not a bad thing...others might mistake for "high-maintence" ...not the same. From your blog you seem to be --on the go,witty,funny, bright, considerate, at times clever..."well rounded"...and maybe well-versed...why of course you are!! Did we forget opinionated? That's how you write it...no..no..more to you than that...while you may sleep in & stay late.. you're not always on the go...that's your writing at work...or maybe you are..is it a pseudo-neurosis or jus' neurotic or maybe jus' yourself. ..isn't that what everyone wants...to be themselves and accepted as they are..[nope..no channeling of woody allen here]....remember this is the South....things are slower..we're slower...
ReplyDeleteyour entries are but tiny sippets of info pointing inward-outward. rays of light sneak out..your likes, dislikes, interests, curiosities..it's almost a cry of love...for culture, for art, for culinary delights, for the city, music, life, mankind, for love. do i err in stating such? over the top? no not really...not at all... you know it to be true..as surely as you are reading this...
..enough for now..not a waste..after all what is life without feedback?...must get back to my real trade...which as you can see is not writing...you're the writer...by the way i'm the sixth person who reads the RTD...but only on Sunday.. it has not always been such a horrible little paper...reactionary yes but better in other ways...times change...by the way ...again..had pneumonia once.. years ago..only time i ever really chalked up a hospital stay...day after day...like you..i survived... it got better.
Hope keeps us going...and you should have your share in abundance. For the last thirty days or so i have enjoyed your postings. it has given me great pleasure and joy to follow your thoughts and activities..thank you for sharing.
You're right; I am different now. No one could experience being laid off, a week in Intensive Care, being dumped by someone they'd loved for six years and having to move out of their home all in an eight-week period and not be monumentally changed.
ReplyDeleteHell, some people would have been suicidal after that run!
As for how men have perceived me since, I have been told I'm intimidating, too smart, and too socially active. Frequently the problem is that a guy perceives me as a great catch but they don't interest me. And men can be visual creatures, ignoring obvious incompatabilities.
My writing is very solitary work, obviously, necessitating me being on the go to compensate when I'm not doing it. So, no, I'm not on the go all the time but I'm a social creature and need conversation and company, so I seek it out once the solitary hours are finished.
And, yes, I do hope to be accepted for what I am, in all my imperfections. I have to beleive there's one guy out there who would think I am a terrific package all around, eccentricities included.
My entries are very much a call to the universe, putting my experiences, opinions and feelings out there in hopes that someone "gets" them. As a bonus, they also garner me writing work.
You're very kind to thank me for sharing my life. It's so good to hear that someone out there is enjoying the fruits of my daily labor.
And it is hope that is keeping me going. Always, hope.