Too Hot for Pig

Who'd have thought that a bacon festival could be so off-putting?

After parking west of 14th Street and walking three blocks, I joined the masses of hot, cranky people waiting in endless lines to get plates of bacon-centric dishes.

Why anyone thought mid-June would be a good day for an outdoor food fest with grills fired up is beyond me.

I'm looking at you, Broad Appetit and definitely you, Bacon Fest.

But I was there, so I began the slow-moving circuit to see which restaurants were there and what they had to offer.

Given the 87-degree weather and 50% humidity, not surprisingly the line for Granny's ice cream was long.

Now, whether that was because of the bacon sundaes and shakes or just for something cool, I don't know.

Given the hordes of sweaty people and the unpleasantly hot grills, I'd already started looking for something on the light side.

Of all places, Casa del Barco won out with a pork belly-stuffed avocado, sprinkled with chopped tomatoes and queso blanco.

It was far from the best pork belly I've ever had but the freshness of the other ingredients had me enjoying it and lots of people inquiring where I'd gotten it.

Everywhere I turned, I heard people fed up with the interminable lines.

The beer lines were stupidly long, both for tickets and beverages, but since I don't do beer, I continued making my way around the booths.

As badly as I wanted the Roosevelt's pork belly slider with bacon slaw, I gave up when I saw the line snaked almost the entire length of the farmers' market.

Somehow, Rapphanock's line was even longer.

Nearing the end of the hot-as-hell-like loop, I stopped at the Berkeley Hotel Dining Room's booth for dark chocolate bacon sea salt truffles.

The soft and dense chocolates had just enough essence of bacon to stand up to the impossibly rich dark chocolate.

Again, three or four people stopped me to find out what I was eating and from whence it came.

I overheard a miserable-looking man in front of me complain to his wife, "This is busier than the Italian Festival ever was!"

They walked determinedly out of the festival in front of me, clearly just as over it as I was.

What will it take to convince this city that a southern summer day is the wrong time for a food festival in the streets?

I'll have to vote with my non-participation next time.

Everything's better with bacon...except long lines, miserable heat and crabby people.