You Can If You Want To

If you heard "Show me the beautiful weather," you might expect a sunny, mid-70s degree day like we lucked into this November day.

Even now, long after sunset, I sit here with my windows open, enjoying the sounds and smells of a Fall night.

And if you heard "Show me the honey hole," which was the theme for Secretly Y'All, Tell Me a Story at Balliceaux tonight, you might be surprised at the kinds of stories you'd hear.

I know I was and I wasn't the only one.

The bi-monthly storytelling events are always interesting since there's no telling what someone might decide to share

In the past, I've heard some positively amazing stories (church bombers) as well as some movingly personal stories (one-night stands).

With the topic of "honey holes" as the starting point, my mind went directly to the gutter and a few of the stories went right there with me.

One guy told of his first make-out sessions with a girl in his Ford Pinto.

He remembered feeling like he was the first guy to discover the wonders of petting, but then there was no Internet back in the '70s and that kind of thing certainly didn't make it to TV.

When he discovered her jeans were undone, she told him, "You can if you want to." He had no clue what she meant.

Using his best guess, he proceeded to button her jeans.

Even in the '70s, I'm quite sure that wasn't what she'd hoped for.

A well-known local musician told a story of trying to score with a girl when he was 25, only to discover that she was a virgin.

His tale was full of references to drugs, the fun of touring and how long he tried to get this one girl to have sex with him.

It even included details about her take on oral sex which, when she did it, in no way agreed with his.

A girl sitting next to me reacted to the story with her jaw hanging open for most of it.

A guy I met in the bathroom line afterwards told me he had left the room because the story was so objectionable. He couldn't imagine it hadn't offended every woman in the room.

All I can say is, it was definitely a story about a honey hole.

But like at any Secretly Y'All evening, interpretation of the theme is up to the storyteller.

We also heard stories about a grandmother's garden, fishing holes, climbing a tree and breaking into a middle school.

Obviously honey hole means different things to different people.

One woman told a story of her first job after graduating from UVA with a drama degree.

It was in Seattle as a receptionist for a company called All Things Electric; it was not exactly her dream job.

Looking for something to liven up her life, one night she took a friend and went to see her favorite MTV comedian (so you know it was the '90s).

After the show, she found him in the bar and one thing led to another. End of story.

Except that months later he called; the only problem was that it was 11:00 on a Sunday night and she had to get up and go to All Things Electric first thing in the morning.

She had to inform her comedic idol that she was not his honey hole.

Before the program had begun, one of the organizers had come over to say hello. We'd met back when I first started attending.

"You know, one of these nights, you're going to have to get up there and tell a story," she informed me.

And actually, I had a story from last summer that would have fit perfectly with tonight's theme. I've only told it to a few people and it always gets an amazed reaction.

I just wasn't ready to be on a stage telling my honey hole story to a room full of people.

Because I'll be honest; my story has nothing to do with fishing or gardens or middle school.

But it's definitely one of the ones I want recounted at my wake.

I figure a little honey hole humor will be just the thing to make friends smile at the memory of me.