Scones and Oddballs at Garnett's

Sure, Garnett's seems like just a nice, normal sandwich place, but don't let it fool you. Just this morning I encountered an alien there. Only last month, I'd been there and a friend had told me about an alien he'd met and almost dated, here. But that was just a story; I didn't actually lay eyes on a stranger from a strange land.

Today I did. I was innocently sitting at the counter when a guy came in, a guy I'd met a while back at Garnett's; now that we know each other, we usually have a good chat when we run into one another. He was meeting a friend for coffee after her run and she soon arrived, dimpled and pretty and still in her running clothes. As they began catching up, it was hard not to overhear their conversation; Garnett's bar is small. She was lamenting that, "I've never ever done anything wrong in my life. I've always been good."

He laughed but clearly couldn't think of how to answer that, so I turned to her and said, "Give it a few years and that'll take care of itself. You won't have to worry about that anymore." He agreed enthusiastically and she looked dubious. And no, that didn't make her an alien.

What did was when he told her that his hard drive had crashed and he'd lost all his music, years- worth gone with no backup. She looked at him as if he were speaking Mandarin. "What's the big deal?" she asked. "I haven't put any new music on my iPod in five and a half years."

WTF? They already knew I was eavesdropping so, I didn't hesitate to give her my best incredulous stare and asked, "Are you kidding? How is that possible that you haven't wanted any new music in five and a half years?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, she said (and I quote), "Well I don't really like music. I just use it when I run." This was the moment she officially qualified for alien status. Who doesn't like music? I mean, seriously, who? And note the employment of the word "use" instead of enjoy, like music is a utilitarian thing instead of pure pleasure.

There's no way to respond to a comment like that and I didn't try. After they left, I went over to Hunter, busy prepping for lunch, and told him the story. He was as shocked as I was that there could be someone so alien in our midst and said, "Not like music? I'd..." and pantomimed blowing his brains out.

Now I don't want to judge here (be quiet, Andrew) but, honey, you most definitely have done something wrong in your life and sadly, you're paying the price every single day and not even realizing it. Alien or not, you have my deepest sympathy.