Shaken, Not Stirred

The film was fun and the eater was gross.

Since I'd never seen the first Bond movie, "Dr. No," much less on the big screen, I was once again seduced by Movies & Mimosas at Movieland.

Honestly, I expected it to be crowded, but the ticket seller told me I was only the eighth person to go in.

So at least I got a great seat.

I settled in to admire a young Sean Connery (relatively speaking, anyway, he was 33) and the beautiful Jamaica location shots.

It was maybe ten or fifteen minutes into the movie when a big guy lumbered in, his hands laden with food and drink.

He sat down (naturally) two seats away from me and took a few minutes getting settled in, even standing up to remove his jacket despite the movie being in progress.

All at once I heard a sound like a buzz saw and looked over to see him eating so fast and furiously that he was making a continuous noise scarfing and chewing.

No kidding, he was making it difficult to hear the dialog.

I couldn't see what he was eating but soon that sound stopped and he slurped down his drink in one fell swoop.

The good news was things were quiet in my row again.

A couple of minutes later, he got up and left.

What the hell?

Moneypenny! What gives?
Me, given an ounce of encouragement.

Since I hadn't seen the old Bond movies, I found it charming to see the source of all the cliches and catchphrases now associated with Bond.

Are you looking for shells, too?
No, I'm just looking.

Of course, he was looking at Honey Ryder in that bikini copied years later for Halle Berry, but what struck me was how different Ursula Andress' body was than Halle's or any ideal woman's today.

No sculpted arms, no washboard abs, just soft curves and the firmness of youth.

Bond also showed his inner oenophile, stating that he preferred the '53 Dom Perignon over Dr. No's coveted '55.

I'd happily take either.

I'd also take Ursula's body or an evening with Bond.

When the movie ended and I got up to leave, I saw what the big guy had left in his wake.

The floor was strewn with empty boxes, bags, napkins and cups.

It looked like a family of four had been eating there.

I can forgive the guy his gluttony, but how he left before Bond took off his clothes saved the U.S. space program, I'll never understand.

To paraphrase a friend, that was a good-looking hunk of 37-year old man meat.

An ounce of encouragement? Shoot, it wouldn't have taken me a gram.