Friday, December 17, 2010

Fruit is Rusting on the Vine

A friend who, like me, prefers to communicate in writing, finally asked what phone number he could call me at. I gave it to him, clarifying that it was my only number.

Friend: I know that's your only number, Ms. Smarty pants. It never hurts to ask though. You could be at a different location. Could've run into a tall, dark and handsome man last night...the possibilities are endless you know.

Me: All the good ones are taken, haven't you heard?

Friend: I still hate to tell you the right one is tough to find. And you don't strike me as a simple, one-dimensional, compromising type of woman.

Me: So I'm going to be partner-less for the rest of my life, aren't I? (You can consider that a rhetorical question if you like)

Friend: Would be much easier for you to find this person in NY, CA, DC or Europe. In Richmond, you will have to adjust your criteria. I might have 77 things on my perfect woman spreadsheet, but you have at least 10-15 things on your list. Just sayin'.

And, yes, he really does have a spreadsheet (I consider it one of his many charms) and a girlfriend who meets more of the 77 criteria than anyone else he's ever met. They're one of my favorite couple dates since they're great conversationalists and eat out as much as I do (and like me, eat anything).

It hadn't even occurred to me that I had criteria, except that I do want a talker...and someone who likes to go out as much as I do...and loves to eat and drink...and they have to read...and be a good kisser...

So I'm not the spreadsheet type, but maybe I do have a few criteria in mind, meaning I will have a hard time whenever I do start dating.

Friend: Yes I was being kind with the 10-15 things :)

I am not making a spreadsheet. Presumably I will know if I ever meet the right person. And hopefully that will be when, not if.

I certainly hope I don't have to leave Richmond. Yet anyway.


  1. oh, you probably don't have to leave Richmond,,,just fall in can do that anywhere....what's the problem?

  2. Meeting someone to do that with?

  3. ...let's say you probably get out five to six nights a week...not counting mornings and afternoons. in the course of the last few years you have probably met a good many folks... true, you've been unemployed for a couple of years so that's not the norm...but after meeting hundred's of people..none of them has raised a spark in you?? no little embers doesn't always just jump out at you...sometimes you gotta give it a chance..[you must know this]'ve been in love before..yet it's always slightly different.. maybe you've been married once...maybe you've been so burned that you're not ready yet...though you think you are...hard to say..but if you're normal...which sadly most of us will hit you again...demographics, etc.. don't're probably going to be a mess when it does...hold on!

  4. Actually I go out seven nights a week, although I recently stayed in for one night just to impress my friend Andrew.

    You're right, in the past two years I have met a huge number of people and probably way more guys than girls.

    But two years ago, just after being laid off and spending almost a week in intensive care with pneumonia, I was unexpectedly dumped after a six-year relationship and I was devastated.

    So for the past two years I have been working through losing someone I love very much and thought I would be with forever. As a result, I have been telling interested guys all along that I don't date. And I haven't.

    After a LOT of lecturing from close friends, I decided to stop saying that and accept a date if I meet someone who interests me. That's yet to happen.

    I do hope it will hit me again because I really miss the companionship and conversational possibilities of a partner. Part of the reason I go out so much is just because I'm lonely, despite having lots of friends.

    I have a close girlfriend who recently fell in love after years of not having anyone (or, worse, having someone unappreciative short-term) and she is positively giddy and effusive about him and the pleasures of their relationship every time I see her.

    So I could end up a mess if it ever happens or I could just end up giddy like her. I'll take either.

  5. ...have a good friend who goes out almost every night.. so she won't have to be alone... she goes to a different church service every evening..didn't know they had so many..used to think she was wasting her time...that maybe she needed more "balance' in her life.. but if it works for be your game plan better...loneliness for me usually has nothing to do with people..[whether around them or not]. ..been alone plenty in my life..found comfort in helped carry a load.. seems silly or strange sometimes...but it's true...for good or evil..a stereo has been a good friend...maybe..jus' maybe..we all have a little nerdiness in us...

  6. Oh, without my music, I'd have given up long ago.

    I'm not sure loneliness has to do with people either, but more of a hole in my life. Since my work is so solitary (and I do it from home) there are many occasions when an extrovert like me just needs to talk to people. So I go out and do that.

    With any luck, one time that will result in meeting the right one.

  7. yeah...understand..i'd play the numbers to.. an introvert around hundreds of people,phones,faxes, to relax i crawl in a hole or go out on the Bay..sailing... sometimes hike the A.T.... life comes at you all different ways..was in Ettamae's about 2 PM.. pushing down some chow & lovin' every minute of it...gotta luv those open-faced omelets! sure we can agree...good to be alive...

  8. Life has been coming at me in all different ways for the past two years and I continue to try to adjust to it all.

    Almost went to Ettamae's today but tree foraging kept me busy past their closing time.

    Indded, no matter how dispirited I may get, I never lose sight of how good it is to be alive. That always makes me smile.

  9. ...and that's why it's all going to work out for you..goodnight K.