Don't Cry for Me, Doll

My day went from the river to Broadway.

Driving east to visit my parents meant seeing fields of diminishing snow the closer I got to the Rapphannock. If it weren't for my being completely over winter, it might have been lovely.

Shortly after arriving, my Dad left for the barbershop in Kilmarnock, half an hour and a world away, a place where he hears the latest from the locals and returns three hours later looking exactly the same as before the haircut.

Meanwhile, my mother and I have discussed everything from family drama to personal grooming in his absence.

By the time I return from the river, I have just enough turnaround time to get cleaned up and meet a friend for dinner and a play.

Like me, he's an avid theater-goer and on tonight's agenda was a trip to Richmond Triangle Players to see Carol Piersol's newest production, "Patti Issues."

It's like RTP says, if they don't do it, who would?

A one man monologue, the charge of carrying the entire show rested on Billy Christopher Maupin's shoulders which were more than up to the task of portraying Ben Rimalower from age four to adulthood.

Playing multiple voices - his parents, grandparents, and the diva herself - he told the tale of a kid whose life is made all the more difficult when his promiscuous doctor of a dad comes out and divorces his mother.

With a great deal of humor and self-introspection, he reflects on being in therapy three times by the age of ten and a half, but also about how fabulous the first two seasons of "Dynasty" were because Joan Collins still had long hair.

So there was pathos but there were also many moments of hilarious commentary by a character who knew young he was gay and was fine with that.

As his father spirals out of control, attempting suicide and generally being the poorest sort of role model for the boy, at fourteen he retreats into the world of actress Patti LuPone, listening endlessly to the Broadway soundtrack to "Evita."

"Like Scarlett O'Hara and Joan Collins, she was every ballsy woman I ever loved." Only a gay man can sell that line so sincerely.

Eventually he gets a chance to work with her on a revival of "Sweeney Todd," which only reinforces how Maupin as Ben becomes even more devoted to Patti because now he's around the real thing. "I want to inhale her. I want to memorize her."

When she asks him to come by her hotel to help her rehearse, she suggests 8:00, which he deems perfect because it gives him enough time to go home and change the pants in which he just shat.

The play, written from Rimalower's own experiences, was simply staged with a stool, a chair and a table for a glass of water, with Maupin moving around the space alternately like a caged animal and a guileless child.

Piersol's taut direction ensured that the audience stayed engaged every moment and Maupin's big voice perfectly captured snippets of LuPone songs as well as her over-the-top diva way of speaking - everyone is "darling" or "doll."

With no intermission, Maupin's free-wheeling energy and a sweet and sometimes melancholy story about growing up and idol worship, my companion and I were completely charmed by a very different play than what we'd expected.

Avid theater- goer bliss ensues when a ballsy woman directs a ballsy man in a fiercely funny and poignant play, right here in river city.

You might say it rates right up there with when Joan Collins had long hair on "Dynasty."