Everyone Needs a Person to Turn Their Pages

The one thing we couldn't be thankful for at tonight's Ghost Light afterparty was heat.

Maybe it was there, but if it was, the females in the room couldn't feel it for the second annual 1st GLAPsgiving celebration (also given a shout-out as the weirdest GLAP ever), but Princess Di sat next to me with his Cosmo and I used his furnace-like body heat to warm my hands throughout the evening.

Hostess Maggie wore a fetching green circle skirt with "thank you" written in a dozen languages on it. Host Matt wore a headband with a giant acorn and pine needles. The guy who volunteered to run sound, a funk DJ at WRIR, was not only new to the job but new to the space. There was only one microphone instead of two and it only worked when it wanted to.

And nobody ever did find pianist Sandy's sustain pedal ("So we're going to have some choppy-sounding piano tonight, y'all").

"It's a technological shit storm," Matt warned.

"Usually I'm thankful for heat," Maggie said, shivering in one of Matt's bustiers.

Given that the set was one of a glitter-encrusted igloo (albeit with a rainbow over it), the absence of warmth fit right in.

The festivities got off to an amazing start with her saying, "First I'd like to thank the lord. You can snap along," and then she, Matt and Audra launched into Lorde's "Royals."

With nothing but the occasional bongo beats and snapping fingers, they nailed the song everyone knows.

Let me be your ruler (ruler)
You can call me queen bee
And baby, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule
Let me live that fantasy

Nick from New York (who's apparently in the cast of "Fiddler on the Roof") was invaluable tonight, at one point calling out during a lull, "I have a pop song in my back pocket if you need it."

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all had a good pop song in our back pocket?

Matt and Ali did a goosebump-inducing version of "I'd Give It All for You" when their two incredible voices harmonized.

When Audra and Ali got up to sing a song from "Little Women," Ali introduced it by saying, "This is where one of us dies," host Maggie broke in, saying hilariously, "Don't spoil it for the people!"

We already knew it was going to be serious because Ali spit out her gum.

Another devastating song followed when Brittney did a song from "Les Miz," Princess DI's least favorite musical.

The always clever Starlet Knight said she was going to sing the only Thanksgiving song she knew and did the sweetly retro "Counting My Blessings" while wearing a spotted Cruella deVille jacket.

From there, the weirdness flowed like syrup on pancakes.

Sam, the sound guy did "Fly Me to the Moon," a standard you might not expect from a funk DJ.

Joe did a dramatic reading of a hand-written letter he found on the sidewalk that began with, "Boo, I know things be whack," and moved through discussions of (and he'd warned us about the adult language in his "dramatic reading") both his anatomy and that of the babe he was writing to and where he'd like to see things placed.

With each reference to a body part, we in the audience began snapping our fingers in applause, beatnik-style.

When he finished, both Maggie and Ian bowed down at his feet.

The first half closed with "The Circle of Life" because what is a GLAP without it and the accompanying interpretive dance, bongos and myriad shaker balls?

Instead of the usual pizza, there was a GLAPSgiving feast of fried chicken and a yard of cookies (really, the box was 36 inches long) while dance music (Janet Jackson, Go-Gos, Tony Basil) blared.

The second act got off with a bang as Nicole got up to sing "As We Stumble Along" from "The Drowsy Chaperone," which I'd just seen a couple weeks ago.

Hilariously, she started singing, then stopped and said of herself, "She already messed up."

Maggie, who is also in the show, smiled and said, "We're in week four of our run," and pianist Sandy said, "Take 2" for the rousing tribute to alcohol.

Could there be a more appropriate song at GLAP? I think not.

Nick and guitarist Steven (whom Maggie called Jesus when she couldn't remember his name) did "Dock of the Bay," Nick promising to "break it down" for us.

Another old chestnut that got rolled out was "Suddenly Seymour" with David and Audra acting out as well as singing, while a couple slow danced over by the bathroom to it.

Wearing her Hello, Kitty gloves for warmth, Starlet returned to sing "Romance is a Slow Dance," perhaps inspired by what was going on nearby.

Suddenly it was last call and we finished out the night with Audra and Ali singing.

"This is from a musical about co-joined twins," Audra explained. "It's kind of a creepy story."

But the song, "I Will Never Leave You" was gorgeous and surprisingly well executed considering the hour and alcohol consumption, while it had the princess next to me all but tearing up.

I had to break it down for him. Don't be cryin' at the GLAP, Boo. That just be whack.