Comedy Central

Churchill said a joke is a very serious thing.

Which means things were way serious tonight for Ramapalooza, an evening of comedy to determine who's the funniest ram on campus.

Walking to the Singleton Center, a guy drove by me and called out his window, "Are there a lot of spaces around here to park?"

Hell if I know, buddy. Drive around and find out.

Inside, I got my ticket and a Snickers, ready for whatever was to come.

The assistant chair of the theater department got the ball rolling, winning over the students right away by saying, "I'm here so our chairman, David Leong isn't out here giving a speech because no one wants that," and introducing our emcee.

That would be John Porter, he of the purple suspenders and shoes, and a familiar face to me from the Ghost Light afterparty.

Through him we met the three judges, comedians all.

John would introduce a comedian, there's be a blast of smoke and the comedy would begin.

First was Kevin getting everyone warmed up by saying, "Let's all admit I have the body of a god. Okay, the god may be Buddah."

Using a recent cut finger as a starting point, Morris said he'd done nothing for it so naturally the cut got infected. "That's when I realized I'm the absentee father of my body."

Connor, our first female, came out and immediately took a pratfall on the carpet before saying she'd begun reading Fifty Shades of Gray, admitting, "My relationship with household objects has changed."

Sounds like she's pretty rough with them these days.

James had great delivery, saying, "I have a friend who lives near Lowe's. I buy potted plants from in $20 increments."

His rant on texts from this guy always came down to one phrase, "Yea. Come."

Shelby's routine centered on people always wanting to talk current events with her.

"News is hard," she wailed. "I just catch up and the next day, there's more!"

Introduced by the emcee as "Just another punk trying to make it in show business," Glynn, a faculty member, was the oldest performer we saw.

Of course she riffed on that. "I blew past cougar about six years ago. I'm closing in on snow leopard now."

Across the theater, I could see her husband leaning forward in his seat, hanging on her every word.

When she finished, one of the judges indicated he wanted to ask her something, so she paused.

"I just want to hear you say motherf*cker one more time," he said.

As a friend of Glynn's since the late '90s, I couldn't understand the allure, but maybe it's because of how many times I've heard her say it before.

She's a master storyteller, albeit a salty one.

A male Connor (apparently Connor was a big name in the early '90s) came next and used his girth as material.

"So when god was looking for adjectives for fat people, he thought about attractive, but that was used for skinny people. He considered smart, but that's for Asians. So he decided, we'll just make them funny."

Arta told us about his Dad's "gnarly dating advice," which involved squeezing girls' breasts, disturbing because Arta was watching "Sponge Bob" at the time.

Clearly it was tough to be a child of the '90s.

After intermission, Dixon took the stage in full self-deprecation mode.

"I'm oddly proportioned. Perhaps you can't tell because of my trendy layers," he joked, striking a pose, "But I have child-bearing hips."

Grace laid out her plans. "I want to joke about my Mom a little. My Mom is an overbearing Catholic from the midwest."

Knowing laughter followed and she looked at the source. "Yours, too, huh?"

Matthew also went the parental route, mentioning that he had the most masculine father, who must have been surprised by his son.

"You know, The Lion King was the first black Disney movie. No, not because it's set in Africa. Because Simba doesn't have a Dad."

Becky joked about being excited to see a listing for a film called Yo, Robot, only to discover it was a Spanish version of "I Robot."

Saying her mother was from El Salvador, she cracked, "We get in plenty of fights, like any mother and daughter. Mostly physical. She'll say to me, I don't want the blue things."

What's a few bruises between family members?

Afterwards, one of the judges asked how much she'd charge for that yo, robot joke.

Eilis came across as very comfortable.

"Recently I've been having vivid sex dreams. Just like my regular sex life, they're sort of disappointing. Don't tell Dixon."

Mikayla told us about how hard it had been not to be invited to prom.

When she mentioned her disappointment, a friend had told her, "It's because you look like a bitch all the time."

"Oh, okay," she'd said, happily accepting the explanation. Is that all?

Patrick brought props, a cane and a bottle of water, the latter for the purpose of having his notes on it.

His deadpan delivery of, "It sucks when things burst into flames. It would be much better if they burst into a BLT. You'd come home and your house is gone, but there's a sandwich."

The audience about lost it.

Elliot came out in a vest and told us he was part English, part Irish.

"Pretty ethnic, huh? Not really. It just means I should be in an air-conditioned room or in the rain. Or I'll go bad. And that's not good."

He had me doubled over when he went off on why Snickers bars are called that.

"Why call it that unless they're trying to hide something?" I'm not sure that I want to know what.

And with that wisdom, the show ended and it was time to tabulate the judges' decisions.

Our host pointed out that it might take a while since it was being done by art majors who never had to take a math class.

The judges had to whittle the field from 16 to eight and they'll come back tomorrow night to face off for the final round.

We'd seen some funny stuff, so I didn't envy the judges their responsibility, although I had an opinion or two.

I was happy to see the judges determined what I already knew - that my friend Glynn is hysterical, choosing her as one of the eight.

The thing is, I won't be able to be there tomorrow night to see who wins.

Doesn't matter. Winner or not, she cracks me up every time we get together.

Like Ghandi said, "If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide."

And that's the motherf*cking truth.