A Freckle on the Nose of Life's Complexion

For those not afraid of going out tonight, the message was clear.

Come in out of the mist and sing show tunes, the wind seemed to whistle.

Of course the only wind that would whistle such a thing is the one coming from Richmond Triangle Players for the Ghost Light Afterparty.

No surprise, it was a costumed event.

And while I'm not particularly the costume type, I made an exception and costumed my leg.

Others were far more creative.

Along with green hair and appalling make-up, host Matt Shofner wore a black leather mini-dress studded with squares of glass, claiming that they were from the mirror ball at Stonewall's in New York.

"I got it for my Lady Gaga show in New York," he explained as if there could be no other reason for having such a dress, but after a few drinks referred to himself as "a lipstick lesbian vampire something."

He was something alright, but his wasn't the only standout.

No, at this party were the unlikeliest of guests: Anne Frank and Hitler, two gods of wine, Carmen Miranda, Twiggy.

Starting the show, he pooh-poohed the impending hurricane, saying, "Allow me to introduce you to the real Sandy, our Hurricane Sandy," meaning the very talented accompanist Sandy, tonight wearing a fetching witch hat.

Matt referred to the impending weather event as "The Mist" as he moved around the stage, made spooky with candles, skulls, decapitated dolls and sculpture offering up human sacrifice.

Yep, just another night at the GLAP.

And by the second song, co-host Maggie Roop was doing interpretive dance, so it was another good night at the GLAP.

Things got rolling in the holiday spirit with the "Adams Family Theme" done with much audience singalong and finger snapping.

But the tone of the evening was defined by a Lady Gaga song that immediately had almost everyone singing and before long dancing.

The Scream Queens (currently performing at Pine Camp Cultural Center) sang a song before taking audience volunteers for a screaming contest, which went to a scream-off before a winner was chosen.

It's not often you get to hear people do their full-on bloodcurdling scream five feet in front of your face.

After another song, they screened their reel, "Full Moon Slumber Party" and you can probably guess that it didn't end well.

But it was the first time I'd seen film at the GLAP.

Matt sang "Sugar Daddy" while passing the hat for tips for Sandy, acknowledging afterwards, "Okay, we've done more tragic things than that at GLAP."

The man speaks the truth.

Annie got up to sing "I Can Do Better Than That" and her fine performance had the benefit of two pianists as Ben joined Sandy to "noodle around" on the high end.

Noodling is all but guaranteed at GLAP.

When Louise got up to perform in her Civil War-reproduction dress (it looked like something Scarlett O'Hara had worn, although she said it had been her grandmother's), Maggie announced  that, "Louise is going to grace our stage with a monologue."

To be more precise, she graced the stage with a story about the maggots that had climbed up her father's dog's butt and how her Dad meticulously stuck his fingers up the dog's butt to retrieve them all.

"And the dog lived longer than my Dad. Now that's love."

Our second monologue (maybe the Mist had people wanting to wax poetic?) came courtesy of Bill, who said he would do an impression of a one-armed blind man counting change.

Let's just say the wordless punchline involved him unzipping his pants so something other than his fingers could feel the money.

Some people felt it was the highlight of the evening.

Maury replicated the first song he'd sung in a 3rd grade production of "H.M.S. Pinafore" a capella.

It was "Buttercup" and he had to shout down some friends, yelling, "Shut up!" to allow him to put his game face on.

Around the time the pizza arrived, the costume contest began.

The six finalists were Jessica Rabbit (who won Best Butt), Hitler and Anne Frank (Most Offensive), Carmen Miranda (Best Work with a Banana, hilarious because judge Deejay chastely kissed her in congratulations and she bent him over like a twig and sucked half his face off), the Black Swan ballerina (Scariest), the hipster Ariel (wearing a sign that said, "I got legs so I could wear skinny jeans") and the he and she Bacchuses (the female noted, "I made my costume out of my kitchen centerpiece") who won for Best Overall Costume.

How could I compete when I'd only costumed one leg?

I always enjoy evening-appropriate lyrics, as when Katie sang "Don't Rain on My Parade," changing the words to, "Hey, Mr, Shofner, here I am!"

Nicky Arnstein would understand.

Elizabeth did a song from "Peter Pan" while dancers danced, tambourines were shaken and pom-poms fell off shoes.

Suddenly Matt was back on stage, only now he was framed between panels and wearing a black bra and tan pants.

It was a different look, I'll give him that.

As he approached center stage, accompanist Sandy casually raised her shirt and flashed him her black bra.

I'd have done the same and shown off mine except the lights weren't on me.

There's always a Mad Lib or two at GLAP and when it came time to hear the filthy lyrics, Matt demanded some help, saying, "I need someone with some goodass rhythm."

The Mad Lib had been set to a song Matt considers incredibly creepy ("Tom's Diner" by Suzanne Vega) and the audience helped out immeasurably on the do-do--do-do-do-do-do dos.

After wards, someone yelled, "I love how Romney was a dirty word twice!"

Lady Gaga took over again when Micheal (in a black bustier, fishnets and blond wig) sang "Bad Romance" and the dancing began for real.

When Maggie introduced Nick, who just last night had been Horatio in "Hamlet," she said that, "He gets the award for looking the most riff-raffish."

He got everyone's attention with Lennon's "Watching the Wheels"  or maybe it was his fake full sleeves of ink.

Just when I thought the night couldn't get any better, Evan (wearing a sign that said "Gangsta Parking Only") got onstage and said he was dedicating his song to me because he'd promised and never done it when I was there.

That's when I knew it was Britney time.

Despite urban legend that this was how the GLAPs used to end, with Evan doing Brit, I'd yet to see it.

Tonight, the Mist opened up and Evan did "Hit Me Baby One More Time" as the audience relived their childhoods singing and dancing along.

It was the GLAP climax I had been yearning for.

I almost wanted a cigarette when it was over.

Afterwards, Evan told me that he'd intended to wear a Catholic girl's school uniform, a la Britney, but hadn't had time to pull it together.

As far as I was concerned, the song had been plenty.

As thanks, I offered up my costumed leg, knowing he'd get it immediately.

I needed him to give me a sign.

"Malvolio!" he exclaimed. "Cross garter yellow stockings!"

Honestly, I don't know what was more satisfying, finally hearing the ultimate GLAP closer or having my costume instantly recognized.

If I'm going to dress up my leg for Halloween, there's only one place I can go and know that people will get it.

The Mist. GLAP. Halloween.

Better than a bad romance and with way more rhythm.

You just have to get past the maggots.