Mommie Dearest Okays Wire Hangers

In a twisted nod to Mother's Day (I'm guessing), the Bowtie was showing 1981's "Mommie Dearest," a film I hadn't seen, despite recognizing some of the cultural references to it (maybe because I had read the book?).

It didn't attract a big crowd, but those there were enthusiasts in a way I didn't expect.

I'm not sure if it was Joan Crawford or Faye Dunaway playing JC that inspired such passion for the movie.

One of the guys in the group next to me leaned over to say that "I didn't bring the ice cubes and wire hangers, but I might have to say some dialog along with the movie. Fair warning."

The line that got the loudest audience participation was "Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo," delivered when Crawford was telling the board of directors at Pepsi Cola that they couldn't toss her off the board just because her husband had died.

The film's high camp made it clear what a good midnight movie it must have been, but it also portrayed a deeply disturbed woman (bipolar, alcoholic) who should have never been allowed to adopt children, much less raise them.

And that got me to thinking about my own mother on Mother's Day Eve.

Unlike Crawford, she was a great mother, if a bit of a worrier (a trait I didn't inherit). And, yes, she was fine with wire hangers.

Looking back, I see where the rules she put in place for me (and my five younger sisters) covered all the important areas of life. Witness:

1. You can always have fruit, even five minutes before a meal. By making fruit constantly accessible, we all developed a love of it. I still grab a clementine or handful of grapes as I'm going out the door to dinner.

2. You don't have to turn out the light at bedtime as long as you're in bed reading. What kid isn't going to defy bedtime with a good book then? All six of us grew up to be avid readers (albeit of very different things; don't recommend chick lit to me) because of this rule.

3. When you lay down on a beach towel in a bikini, your stomach will be flat. Every time one of us complained about our body or feeling fat as teenagers, she reminded us of this fact (it took a few years to realize it was a metaphor). And she was right; we looked great stretched out on the sand (and probably the rest of the time, too).

4. If your hair doesn't look nice, it doesn't matter how great the rest of you looks. Every one of us has thick stick-straight hair, but as long as it was clean and brushed, it counted as looking nice, at least to her (although she loved it when we curled it...and I still do).

5. And the bedrock of her rules for children (and probably essential for a large brood): Never intentionally hurt someone's feelings. Think how your words will affect who you're talking to and adjust what you say accordingly.

I know how lucky I am to have been raised by a mother like mine rather than one like Miss Joan Crawford.

And my mother undoubtedly knows that I'll never write a nasty tell-all book about her.

So to Mom, Happy Mother's Day from Number One Daughter.