Rock on Ancient Queens

How cold was it? So cold I wore jeans to celebrate Valentine's Day. Now that's cold...and a first.

The amazing part is that before the night was over, I was shedding layers.

I knew my night was going to be stellar when my favorite artist date and I walked into Hardywod for the latest installment of the Cover to Cover series and the band was launching into the Killers' "All These Things That I Have Done," for me, the song that defines "Hot Fuss."

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well, it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no, no, no, no

Help me out, yeah
You know you got to help me out, yeah
Oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out

That was the beauty of tonight's performance. In addition to doing an entire album cover to cover, the first set was all highlights from the past Cover to Cover shows, all of which I'd been to.

So after the Killers, we got Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams" and host Matt's hilarious commentary, "That was a live fade-out, folks. I just wanted to point that out. Drink!" and held his cup of beer high.

From there, they moved through "Gold Dust Woman," then on to Green Day's "Dookie," which got all the young dudes around us singing out loud and another live fade-out.

Amy Winehouse's "Back to Black"  prompted Matt to observe that they hadn't taken song choice into consideration for Valentine's Day given that they'd done the title song and the next song was "Love is a Lonely Game" and then Paul Simon's "Graceland" wound things down.

The backing band has finally given themselves a name - Trunk Show - and were as tight as ever. I'm a big fan of guitarist Grant, who looked great sporting asymmetrical bangs and a Flying V-style guitar. His cool factor was off the charts.

Tonight's album hearkened back to my youth with Heart's February 1976 classic (for guys anyway), "Dreamboat Annie." As my girlfriend and I discussed, neither of us had been Heart fans, although all the guys we knew had been. Apparently, '70s men were suckers for girl guitarists and big-voiced singers in Renaissance garb.

The band came roaring out of the gate with "Magic Man," complete with elaborate guitar solos, setting the tone for the rest of the show. A second guitarist was added to the lineup and my girlfriend was soon swooning over Forrest and his intricate solos and happy grin.

One of the women in front of us, obviously a Heart fan because she sang every word despite her relative youth, said, "They better do "Dog and Butterfly" or I'm gonna hit someone," clearly unaware that that's a song off another Heart album.

No question, it was a rockin' choice of an album, by far the hardest rocking thing they've done, but even so, my friend leaned over and observed, "This music is so white it's hard to dance to." True that, but nobody was dancing to rock in the '70s; that's what disco was for.

They'd brought in the "A" team of vocalists with Debra, Maggie, Katrinah and Ali showcasing their vocal chops to channel Ann Wilson, minus the long velvet gowns.

Oh, and the lyrics! "If you love me like the music, I'll be your song." Wow, just wow.

"Okay, this is where your tops come off," Matt exhorted the crowd before "Sing, Child, Sing," complete with flute solo (which immediately made me think of Jethro Tull and wonder why flutes were a thing in '70s rock bands), but not by the lead vocalist a la Ann Wilson, but by a separate flute player while Forrest showboated like the best of the '70s aces, grinning with pleasure all the while.

For the record, no tops came off that we saw. I saved that for later.

That could been an evening's entertainment in and of itself, but we were nowhere close to through and headed directly to Studio Two Three for their Galentine's dance, complete with Mean Bird fried chicken plus waffles (one of my very favorite edible combos ever) and assorted breakfast pastry washed down by Conde Villar Vinho Verde Rose,

Because of course we're going to drink pink to celebrate. Celebrate what, you ask? How about that Cupid rhymes with stupid and we'll leave it at that?

Of course the women of Studio Two Three had done a magnificent job decorating the place for Valentine's Day, with giant hearts on the walls and hearts (both whole and broken) strung from lines overhead along with lights and  pink, red and white balloons.

Two DJs were alternating spinning vintage soul 45s and women were dancing on the big open dance floor. Only a few men were in attendance as dates and only two of those were brave enough to enter the dance arena, but not so girlfriend and me.

'When's the last time you were dancing?" my friend asked. November, I told her, unless you count slow dancing on New Year's Eve (she didn't). For her, it had been even longer.

So of course we soon joined the masses on the floor, even venturing to do a little turning and twirling with each other. Eventually, one of the other women passed on the "Best Dancer 2016" name tag to my friend, who eventually passed it on to another girl. Before the night was over, we'd both had it hung on our necks, although my friend was sure it was due to our senior position on the floor.

The best dancers were a trio - one in a long lace dress, one adorable in a purple dress and the last with a smile that never dimmed - who danced nonstop and incorporated us into their Soul Train-style dance lines so everybody could show off a little.

After the first half hour or so, I was sorry for the abundance of layers I'd worn, but took care of it nicely by removing one of my under tops without removing the one on top of it. It's like that old trick of taking off your bra without removing your shirt. Not difficult if you know what you're doing. I do.

I briefly considered taking off my jeans since I had fleece tights underneath but checked myself. You can only undress so far in public before people begin to wonder.

When my friend got hot and winded (her layers were not so easily shed), she propped herself up against a wall and I danced in front of her until she cooled down.

It gave us a chance to laugh about the group of high maintenance-looking women who spent more time on their phones than dancing despite taking up a large chunk of the dance floor with their straightened hair, anorexic thighs and lookalike outfits.

Besides them, everyone else was delightful, munching cold waffles and croissants between songs, grabbing people to dance with and generally making my first galentine's dance a fabulous thing.

To close things out, my friend marched over to the DJ and requested one last song as her final dance. Little Richard rocked us happily right up until we headed out into the frigid night which actually felt pretty wonderful after hours of being overheated dancing.

Once in the car, her first question was when we were going dancing again. My answer? Not soon enough. Her idea? Plan a dance party with similar music and lots of dancing types. I'm in.

After she dropped me off, I could have stayed home given what a stellar night it had already been, but why would I when WRIR's Black Valentine's Day show was happening at Gallery 5, a few short blocks away.

Arriving to find the place massively full and strangely warm with so many bodies, I was greeted by a friend in a faux leopard coat and then by another friend, the evening's DJ, sporting a silver sequined blazer.

Seems the drummer of the band onstage, Brown Sabbath (obviously a Black Sabbath cover band), had complimented his blazer (as did I), mentioning that he was in a Neil Diamond cover band and how well it would suit their lead singer.

Neither the DJ nor his wife even knew Richmond had a Neil Diamond cover band, so I brought them up to speed. Come on, kids, Diamond Heist is a blast.

Standing behind a girl in a massive turquoise blue curly wig, I watched Brown Sabbath for about two songs before opting to put earplugs in because I'm not enough of a fan to pain my ears for it. I loved how the lead singer would vape onstage during guitar solos and between songs and pump his fists in time to the drums.

Whether he's aping Ozzy or not, I have no idea. A friend who would have known leaned in and told me she was terribly impressed with how much like Ozzy this guy sounded.

Another friend demurred. "I think they're just too loud." When I pointed out that the room was full, so there must be lots of Sabbath fans in attendance, he responded, "Nah, they're just here for mating."

Not that that's what he was there for. He'd already purchased a date at the date auction earlier in the evening with a plan to spend their date looking for her lost dog.

Romance is in the eye of the beholder. White lightening and wine followed by dancing suited me just fine.

Cue live fade-out. Drink!

I've Got Soul but I'm Not a Soldier

I smiled like I meant it because I did.

When I heard that the second installment of up and coming new production company Spin, Spit and Swear's Cover to Cover series was going to be the Killer's stellar debut album "Hot Fuss," I cleared the decks for tonight.

When that album came out in 2004, it was the antithesis of everything I was then listening to, a lot of which was post-punk revival, so the likes of Interpol, Editors, Franz Ferdinand and the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs.

Then along comes this glammy sounding band with an album full of distinctive guitar, which I loved, but also synths and soaring anthemic songs that made you want to shake your ass.

Not ashamed to say I fell hard for it but I was hardly the only one since it's since ended up on all kinds of "best debut albums" and "best albums of the aughts" lists before long.

All of that is a roundabout way of saying that I was not going to miss hearing "Hot Fuss" performed live tonight by some major talent from the local theater community.

Passing a guy in a t-shirt that read, "You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning," and giving him credit for his honesty, I claimed a spot near the stage to wait for the show.

Almost immediately I found myself next to a guitarist I know with a beer in his hand. I had to know. Was he there for the beer or the music?

"I love this album," he admitted. Join the club, friend. "And I never saw them."

Well, there I had a leg up because I saw them back in 2006 at Merriweather Post Pavilion and while I was happy to hear them live, we were so far back on the lawn that they looked like miniatures on stage.

At least tonight I'd be able to see the band sweat.

Not long after, I overheard the trio next to me begin talking about "Hot Fuss" and not one of them knew it. They said they'd started listening to the Killers with the second album, where the band shed the glam for a Springsteen-like earnestness that didn't speak to me.

They were busy trying to recall if they knew even one song from "Hot Fuss." I couldn't not join their conversation.

"Mr. Brightside"? "Somebody Told Me"? "Smile Like You Mean It"? Come on, guys, work with me here. One of them thought maybe he knew "Somebody Told Me." Maybe.

I gave them a brief Killers history lesson and they were fascinated. To be fair, they didn't appear to be much beyond legal drinking age, which means they would have been in middle school when the record came out.

As if that wasn't discouraging enough, I overheard a girl who had obviously come for the beer telling a guy, "I mean, I like the Killers, but why are they doing the whole album?"

It wasn't worth my time and effort, so I just walked away.

Since the last "Cover to Cover" show, Hardywood had invested in a new sound system and I could tell a huge difference in sound quality during the sound check. This was going to rock.

I ran into the music teacher and as a kindred vertically-challenged person, we found spots right up front where no Paul Bunyan could spoil our view.

Keyboard/synth player Dave Robbins had transposed the whole album by ear and along with Bentley Cobb on drums and Grant Oliver on guitar, the band was note perfect.

Matt Shofner, he of the big voice and even larger stage presence, took the stage and with the initial spaceship-sounding synth notes of "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine," dove into 2004.

Trading off lead vocals with Russel Lacy, Sera Stavroula and Kelsey Cordrey, the cover to cover band soon had some of us dancing in place to the oh-so recognizable songs.

When Bentley went to use the drum pad nothing happened, causing Matt to joke, "It wouldn't be one of our shows without technical difficulties," but that was quickly corrected.

We only got as far as the fourth song, "Somebody Told Me" and sweat was dripping down my legs, so I can only imagine how hot the band must have been. Guitarist Grant had begun the set in a blazer, but that soon bit the dust.

Matt had the smartest idea. He went over and rolled up the garage door to the side of the stage and within moments, it was noticeably cooler inside.

Meanwhile, back on stage before the next song, he holds up a bloody finger before saying, "This is how you put on a band-aid," and demonstrating.

Co-host Maggie Roop, his long-time partner in crime and theater, looked at him and said, "That was almost hardcore until you put the band-aid on."

No surprise, my favorite, "All These Things That I Have Done," got a lot more people almost dancing and nearly everyone singing along.

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
and my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no, no, no, no

One of the things I adore about that song is how the Killers used a gospel choir for backing vocals, so I was tickled when five more people came onstage to do choir duty and testify to the rafters.

Afterwards, Matt asked if anyone knew the next song and I called out "Andy, You're a Star," but he didn't hear me. It was enough to know I was correct before Kelsey began singing it.

When Matt introduced Russell to sing lead, he told the crowd, "This is Russell Lacy. Ladies, I want you to take your panties off," before he sang.

I saw no panties thrown onstage, but I can't vouch as to whether any were removed other than Matt's and I know that only because he later came onstage and told us so.

There seemed to be less recognition on some of the later songs, but as a big fan of "On Top" and "Change Your Mind," that was other people's problem, not mine.

We're all the same and love is blind
The sun is gone before it shines
And if the answer is no
Can I change your mind?

Once they got to the end of the album, "Everything Will Be Alright," Russell soloed with his guitar on a bonus track, "Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll," which I learned was on the UK version of "Hot Fuss."

See, kids, it's not just entertaining, it's educational.

Part of a Cover to Cover evening involves four local artists creating works while the rest of us listen to music. They're supposed to be inspired by what's going on around them and then the finished products are raffled off at the end with the proceeds going to Spin, Spit and Swear. I bought a ticket (anything for S,S & S) and kept my fingers crossed.

Problem was that at this point, one of the artists wasn't quite finished even though the album was, but the band just happened to have one more song waiting in the wings and as Matt put it, "If any Killers song is a dance song, this is it."

It's tough to argue with "Human" (or, as my friend Jym once hilariously put it, "Are we human or are we dancer? Discuss.") as a perfect excuse to shake your tail feathers, but I also love the poetry of the lyrics.

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Hear my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could

That song did get a few more asses in gear before the raffle winners' names were pulled and the art, some still wet, was awarded to four lucky people.

But Matt had one last trick up his sleeve.

"In Style Weekly's Best of Issue, one of the critic's picks was the Cover to Cover series," he said grinning and went on to thank me - using my initials - for the nod. "But she practically double dared us to do "All These Things That I Have Done" twice. What do you guys think of that? Should we do it?"

A smattering of applause wasn't enough (god knows, I was screaming and clapping as loudly as I could but I'm only one woman) and he was about to leave when he asked again and a thunderous reaction had the band kicking in with the first line, "When there's nowhere else to run" and it became a giant singalong, clap-along and dance-a-thon.

Help me out
Yeah, you gotta help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you gotta help me out

Helluva hot fuss of an evening, sweaty legs and all. Correct answer: we are dancer.