Friday, November 18, 2011

God Rest Ye Merry Gentile Men

As I'm driving to see a holiday play tonight, I passed an SUV with a Christmas tree tied to its roof.

It seemed a little early for both. I was going to the play because a friend had an extra ticket so there was at least some justification for that.

Free theater? Count me in no matter the season.

As for getting a tree on November 17th, Happy Thanksgiving and deck them halls all in the same week.

I can only imagine what a dried out fire hazard it'll be by Christmas Day, though.

It was opening night for "The Holiday Stops" at Richmond Triangle Players, a campy holiday song extravaganza sung by four church organist ladies.

Played by men, of course.

Only at RTP is the audience told, "Please turn off any devices that may beep, ring, chirp or play show tunes."

The play, a sequel to the original about these four, had a lot of funny elements like forgotten Hanukkah carols and lost carols from other lands, which included a haggis carol and a Swedish carol sung to ABBA's "Dancing Queen."

Because if they'd based it on Bergman, it would have been long, dark and difficult to understand and if they'd used Ikea for inspiration, it would have taken forever to assemble onstage.

Holiday pop culture humor.

Not all the laughs came from the songs; when Rose announces she's come out as a lesbian, one of the women asks, "Oh, is that why you bought a Subaru?"

Euglena conducts gay sensitivity training seminars, including one for the audience, explaining that when you meet a homosexual you should make eye contact and say hello.

"But don't speak in a loud voice or you may scare them," she explained to an hysterical crowd.

Turning to my gay friend, I whispered, "Did I do all that when I first met you?"

Grinning, he whispered back, "Well, I wasn't scared."

Whew! And without a single gay sensitivity lesson in my life.

She also patiently informed us that brunch is the only meal gays eat, a fact my friend confirmed after the show.

Hands down, one of the funniest parts was the medley of Christmas TV specials done in four minutes and covering everything from "A Charlie Brown Christmas" to "It's a Wonderful Life" to "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" and even more in between.

Sort of a "Compleat Wrks of Xmas TV Spcls (Abridged)" and certainly Fringe Festival-worthy.

Woven into all the funny stuff were heavier things like alcoholism and racism which were a bit of a buzz kill among lines like, "He lit up a Christmas tree in my pants."

A couple of Jewish friends noted the poor pronunciation of certain words like sufganiot, the deep-fried jelly donuts served during Hanukkah.

Forget pronunciation, can I just have one of those donuts?

My quibble was far less intellectual, if not downright base. It was that the organ ladies' breasts didn't ring true.

Here were four middle-aged men playing four middle-aged women and they all had breasts that started just south of their chins like 19-year old lingerie models.

If you're going to strap something on, it's key to strap it on in the right place for maximum effect.

Just an observation. And, no, I don't drive a Subaru.

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