Where is your blog? You know I live for that little bit of Karen everyday. Are you ok? Just making sure you are ok. If you need anything, let me know. I would do anything for you and I hope you know that! Love you.
I can't very well ignore the entreaties of the one person - family aside - who's loved me the longest.
My blog has been on hiatus since last weekend. I have a lot on my mind and I need time to retreat, work through some things that are occupying my brain to the point of waking me up and infiltrating my dreams, and ponder.
No, it never occurred to me that anyone, even you, lived for the little bit - and, let's be honest, usually a lot - of Karen I put out to the world every day.
The chronicling of my thoughts, opinions and activities are meant to be an historical record of 21st century life for some future cultural historian digging deep to see what kinds of things occupied ordinary people or, if it happens to be some sort of women's studies scholar, provide a snapshot that reflects a female of a certain generation, class and education level.
That my posts also provide a link to the people who care about me, though, has become the best reason to keep it up.
Am I okay? Yes and no, just like any other human being. Am I sorting through who I am and why I haven't been more successful in some areas of personal growth and relationships? Yes, definitely. Am I wishing I could just disappear and not ever feel sad again? No, I'm not.
As for your offer of anything, I do need things, but these things I need aren't the kind I can ask for. Coming to terms with what I do need and want and am willing to work for is on my shoulders. I wish I could just say "This will make me happy" and have it handed to me, but life has already shown me that it doesn't work that way.
So instead I think because I'm an over-thinker. Lately, I've given in to brooding and with that, I've taken on the habits of a loner. Atypically for me, that means not going out in the evenings, giving me nothing compelling to put out to the blogosphere.
Gemini, You are likely to feel as if you are in the middle of a difficult situation. The less said, the better. It would be best if you stayed centered, knowing what you want and expect from someone else.
This is me staying centered and saying less, while figuring out what I want and expect from myself. Love you, too.
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It is indeed a small town, cw.
ReplyDeleteWow! I thought I'd go back to the beginning. You've been doing this almost a decade. Really something in a way. Consistent also --- Well maybe it might come to an end but....if so let me just say that for the most part it's been a pleasure to keep up with you, to read you. Actually the best part I've taken from all of this is...not the bars, music, food, events, etc. --- though you have been informative & yes turned me on to a few places, trends, etc. What I've taken away is what I think is the important stuff. The human side of you, your thoughts, observations, the person...you're a giver, just like my wife. Most people I think are takers. Find another giver & you'll be happy. But remember they are rare, like you. wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteCW
Except for your parents, no one cares more than I do. OK, maybe B. But I'd still argue that I care more.
ReplyDeleteSome say proximity breeds familiarity. I say distance breeds longing. I don't know what that means but my thoughts and wishes are for you to find that place that gives you comfort. Come back soon.