Best way to begin a girls' night out: at the champagne table (next to the restrooms) followed by dark pink Bieler Pere et Fils Rose at the bar.
Best bites after oysters on the half shell: deconstructed softshell crab with asparagus, pickled ramps, bibb lettuce, shaved radish, watercress, green goddess dressing and white bone marrow. Perfection.
Best random server comment: "I love your dress, but I wish I had those," pointing at my breasts. I wish I had her curly hair.
Best story from a father: climbing a fire escape, seeing someone cooking breakfast in the nude and going home to ask his mother why someone would do that.
Best reason for a delay in hitting the road: her cutest shoes were in the last box she looked. I occupied myself eating peanut M & Ms while she strapped them on.
Best price for tequila: $6 for 1800, albeit in the far west end. Do I want to close out that tab? Um, no.
Best way to break the ice: grabbing the girlfriend and dancing to "Pour Some Sugar on Me." Love is alike a bomb, baby.
Best t-shirt on a bass player: "It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits," which is not quite as good as the last t-shirt I saw him in, "Nice story, babe. Now go make me a sandwich."
Best way to stop a come-on: "I'll dance with you, yes, but no, I'm not giving you my number. Ever." And then dancing.
Best way to do something that reminds you of who you are at your core: go to a club with a girlfriend and stay until last call. How long has it been?
Best end-of-night comment leaving the club: "You are a dancing fool!" And this is a bad thing why?